I've been struggling with my faith lately (actually for about the past year now) and decided it was time for me to really start searching for some answers. I've been doing some reading, some soul searching, took a hiatus from going to church, some praying, some talking... on and on, just trying to figure some things out.
So these are some rambling on what I've discovered:
Bad things happen to good people. Good people do bad things. Some people are hypocrites.
This is where my struggles began! I think that for a long time I've been reading too much into life- think there was some great revelations I was supposed to have or some great reward if I did what was right and followed God's plan. That puts a lot of pressure on! Since getting married and having the kids I've wanted things to remain simple (less clutter, easy cooking, more fun, etc.) and I never realized that "simple" applied to God also.
I spent some time angry with God trying to play a this isn't fair to me card. Why do bad things happen? Why do I get the short end of the stick? So on and so on. I got tired of saying "everything has a reason and lesson to learn", but it turns out that even this led to a reason and lesson!
I know I don't put a lot of trust in God. I like to be in control and know where I'm going and how I'm getting there. So very early on I recognized that this is a problem I need to work on. Next, my bigger question became why would God what to walk me through life? Which then became why am I even here?
All the time- the answer was right on my book shelf, but I'll get to that in a minute.
Could it be so simple that God wanted someone to love? Could it be so simple that He wants to share blessings with the people He loves? Could it be as simple as wanting us to enjoy our lives? Sounded too simple at first. But after some more reasoning with myself it became easier to see...
When you read the Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church it says that "God, infinitely perfect and blessed in himself, in a plan of sheer goodness freely created man to make him share in his own blessed life."
The same reason that I married and had children. I didn't have them so that someone would love me or because I was going to get something from them. I have my family so that I can share my blessed life with them.
Rather than working so hard to make this a complicated thing I think there really is something to be said for asking God to bless each day and surrendering the days events to Him. And rather than wasting sssssooooooooooo much time worrying about where I'm going and how I'm getting there, I'll just enjoy the ride.
